I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
