I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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