Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
