At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
