it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
zippers are such a cool invention
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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