So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm getting married
To pizza
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
