I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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