It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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