help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
