She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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