Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize