i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
