And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
