Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
