i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
