If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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