This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dear god my vagina.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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