there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Houston, we have a blender
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
