I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Farmville is her only friend.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Vodka?
Forever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
