At least make sure they are 18
Why
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
