Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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