She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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