it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
