hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i dont even know how to be here
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
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