I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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