i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
