I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
