I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
