Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
