I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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