Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize