Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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