Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
