Tell her she can't have a vagina
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
