Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I cannot find my penis.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
