Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
