so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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