And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
