Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
