Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
try to milk me bitch
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