I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
