He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
