you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
