He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
