I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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