that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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