I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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