just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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