Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
