I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
