How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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