I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
