I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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