awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
