she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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