beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are we still banned from the library?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
