so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
