I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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