Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
