I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
