Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
