before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
