she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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