Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
