...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
