i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
