I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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