Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize