I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
