I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
