yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
