Moan for me like Helen Keller
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
