Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
