tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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