I wish I could punch you in the face.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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