yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize