I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
