Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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