Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
