Please, let me fuck your mom
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You pole danced in your parka.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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