I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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