dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
