oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He better not be in your backpack
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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