dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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