my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
