is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
