Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
