did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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