He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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