very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
