i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
