Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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