I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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